Please let me be...just me.

A pretty little package is something I am not.  No bows or ribbons or patterned bits of paper define who I am or what I am supposed to be. Not a box or other wrappings can contain who I am or what I believe.  What you see inside me is the movement of something always growing and evolving. For who I was when I began to write these words...is not the same as when I have written in the end.

Losing my Religion

    My reaction to this recent video uploaded to Youtube is completely visceral and done with feelings of fear, sadness, and frustration. It completely bothers me that I am living in a nation where people believe it is acceptable for a man to stand on a pulpit and spew such hateful rhetoric under the guise of preaching the word of god. No person should be allowed to poison the mind of another, especially if it is done with such hate and violence.

    It is sad that we protect people like this preacher under the ideology of “freedom of speech” and “freedom of religion”. But, what has happened to our human right for the pursuit of happiness for all wo/mankind? With church leaders speaking like this, I begin to wonder who are the real terrorists of our country? How can we allow these individuals who are in the position of spiritually uplifting others to use the power of the church, to promote the idea of torturing and killing off a population of people?  What this man is preaching is absolutely no different than what Hitler did as he was building-up the Third Reich and sending people to concentration camps to face torture and death.

Shame on you, Pastor Charles L. Worley of Providence Road Baptist Church! I hope you end-up on the FBI terrorist watch list!

every new beginning is a merging of holding on and letting go...

I am intrigued by those moments in life which help define who we are and where we are going.  Sometimes these moments are recognizable as the very tiny and subtle events which only make little ripples or waves within our consciousness, while other experiences can be as obvious as a tree branch falling on our head.   The end of 2011, along with the lessons I have learned throughout this last semester,  have been much like a branch falling on my head moment for me.  I sit here today, with a ice pack on my head ;) and writing this blog fully aware I am not the same person I was just a year ago…and it is ok with me. 

In retrospect, I recognize that I began this blog as a way to explore and present the development of my ideas and concerns during a time in my life when it was needed.   I was trying to find my niche within the LDS community, while at the same time, personally expanding my worldview through the use of a feminist lens.  My excitement of finding my voice as a woman was not able to be contained; I have and will continue to devour the lessons which are taught to me within and outside the classroom setting.

My most recent life changing moment occurred through the use of the phrase “cum-guzzling demon slut.”   These words will forever serve as a reminder of that moment when I knew that there was no going back and I was no longer the girl I knew a couple years ago.  I had to say these words as I tore her clothes off, she was naked and crying, I was uncomfortable – it was being done to prove a point and there was no going back.  Art…performance…pain…healing….these are the words that swirl around my head as I try to grasp what it was like to be part of a group project in my feminist theatre class.  We created something ugly and uncomfortable which resulted in something beautiful and emotional. 

We created a spark which ignited a chain reaction of change…within ourselves and within our audience. 

Part of this wave of change makes me feel that I am no longer able to claim the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints as my religion – I truly wanted to keep my blinders on and live the good life – but, I can no longer do this.  I cannot live as two separate people and deny the person inside me the freedom to be who she needs to be.  A feminist, a  mother, a lesbian, an activist, and a person who truly loathes the use of labels…I use these words fully aware we live in a society which is comforted by the use of these words which try to define us or that we use to define ourselves.

Whatever words I choose to use it doesn’t really matter – I just know that how I see myself fitting into this world has changed and will go on changing  as I continue to keep myself open to learning and experiencing the world around me.

Raising My Voice in the Spirit of Occupy Wall Street!

As you may or may not have noticed (depending on your chosen news source) we are in the middle of a change and at this point there is no concise definition or the added security of a clear goal which we can comfortably grasp onto once we assume we have reached the “end” of this transformation.  Without a clear beginning or end – how can we even start to know what to think whilst in the middle of this (r)evolution?  

This is where I challenge you!

This is an incredible opportunity to be in a place and time in history where we can pause to watch what is happening and hopefully learn from what we see.  Today I was happy to spot an insightful comment on Twitter where this individual wrote, “Lots of different agendas appearing in Occupy Wall Street but it is simply: people before profits, community before corporates.”   What this person wrote is so true! 

During these last two weeks, as I have watched the crowds grow and hear the voices of the people as they rise-up and continue to get louder across our great nation, I am also witnessing the confusion of friends and family whom cannot grasp the idea of what Occupy Wall Street is about.  They spend their time creating a list of grievances regarding the numerous issues they have with the policies of our nation- but, sadly they do not feel empowered enough or that their problems are actually worth taking into the streets.  Watching these events unfold has made me start to wonder, have we become a civilization of people who feel discomfort unless we are told what to do or spoon fed the information which tells us what to think? 

By living without clear definitions or labels people are becoming uncomfortable. 

Without the ability to neatly tuck our ideas into a little box and then tidily place them upon a shelf, people are at a loss and are finding themselves struggling to cling to any assimilation of control they can find during and as a result of these demonstrations.

I am tired of feeling the need to label this movement, it is made-up of people – all different – but, all with a voice.  For as long as I can tell, throughout history, we have lived with the deception of labels.   By doing this, people have suffered while living with the assumption of someone else having the control or power over their lives.  Because individuals have been allowed to label other people as they see fit, this allows for an assumption of authority, which has made it difficult for those “other” people to reach the same level of influence as the people who are falsely regarded to be in control.  Also, by living in a system which allows only the intellectual elites who are afforded the opportunity to pursue a quality education (or live a life of debt as a result of it) and by categorizing people based on socioeconomic influence, their race, gender or ethnicity, we truly hold back the voices of people who still have experiences, insight or knowledge to share with others.

For once I would like to see our lives lived without the added oppression of labels, right now while we join together, we don’t need to limit each other’s potential with these inaccurate terms of convenience.  What we truly need is dialogue and this is where the beauty of Occupy Wall Street and of the other Occupies around the world come in, this is a place where it doesn’t matter what you have been labeled within your society, you have a place to speak and to honestly be heard.   Then naturally, as time goes by and after we have had a chance to express our grievances with the comfort of knowing that we have been heard since we are truly listening to each other, and when we are finally equals in each other’s eyes without the man-made limitations of race, gender, nationality, and class – we can then hopefully begin building the platform needed for a movement unlike any other we have experienced before.

I have lived with your labels for too long – leave this moment alone and let it grow as it should - without hatred, prejudice, and with an open heart.

Mentors Apply Here!

    I want a Master's Degree! I know I do and I know I will someday be holding that piece of paper which will somehow make me feel...umm, complete?

    Actually, my goal with this degree is to be able spend my life "paying-it-forward" while at the same time enjoying the joy and benefit of getting myself out of this position of being financially dependent on these goverment programs that help me.  Pride is a silly little thing - when receiving "aid" sometimes I get to a point where I want to scream, "Enough!  It's my turn to help others!" or there are times when I find myself having to accept being treated as non-human and bite-my-tongue while reminding myself that this is just a temporary state of existence.

    As I work towards my educational goals, I just need to stop feeling like I am stumbling around in the dark.  Therefore, I am currently taking applications for mentors - people who have experienced the process of obtaining a Graduate Degree and are willing to work for minimal pay - well, actually your pay will be the satisfaction of knowing you have helped a person work her way out of a socially and economically disadvantaged position. :) 

    So, if you are actually wondering if you qualify to be my mentor or have any advice to share, I will let you know that I am currently working on finishing my undergraduate degree in Women's and Gender Studies with a minor in Psychology and Political Science.  While working to stay focused on my goal of someday helping others, I am looking at obtaining a Masters Degree in (International) Human Rights. 

    My interests include the development of educational opportunities for women and minorities both locally and internationally.  Education is an incredible opportunity which should be afforded for all that have the desire to learn and to better themselves - without education poverty will prevail and the division between the poor and wealthy will continue to increase.

Rosie the Riveter

SLUT PRIDE!!

The God Loving Slut deep within me is proud that people are claiming this demeaning word and taking it apart and smashing it into the ground.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-13333013

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WGS 310 - week 15

I really wish there was a grading scale which would take into account life experiences and how we get through them. If this were the case, then I would have no problem telling you that I deserve an A+ in perseverance. But, unfortunately this isn’t what you are asking for with this assignment. I am honestly happy with my current grade of B+ and the only disappointment I have this semester was my inability to do A+ work.

My challenges have included the normal things such as sickness, ER visits, and my daughters cat dying, etc. But, my struggles started when my kids and I moved here in September and the challenge it has been to get our lives together again. I am without the great support network of friends and as a result of the move, I lost my financial assistance for childcare. I knew the childcare would be an issue when I moved – but, I seriously underestimated the stress it would cause while I tried to get my school work done. School closings, school delays, days off for this and that…Ugh!! Just thinking about it- is stressing me out. But, my biggest disappointed this semester happened last Friday when I missed class! My children had the day off school for Good Friday and I was without gas and any money (even my change jar is empty). I had just planned on walking to class with my children, when that morning it looked like...it was going to rain!!!  I felt guilty and disappointed for missing class - but, I also knew I needed to keep my children from walking to school in the rain. I think it’s strange how my children are my biggest motivation to finish school – yet, they are part of the biggest obstacle!

But, I know I have gone through worse things in my life and realize this stage of my life will pass like all the other struggles I have had. I am sorry that I missed a few blog postings and had a hard time keeping-up with assignments. I would say that this class has been a wonderful experience and I appreciate learning about all these great women and what they have had to go through in their lives. Knowing that as women and part of humanity, we all really have this shared will to do better and even though we all have our own obstacles to overcome just makes the ride not seem so lonely.

Just Think About It!

Here is something I came across on the internet that I think is a very interesting example demonstrating something I just cannot understand. Recently, I heard of the terrible crimes Spc. Jeremy Morlock committed while he was serving in the military and I heard about the sentence he was given - but, yet PFC Bradley Manning is still serving time in soliarty confinement?

SPC. JEREMY MORLOCK: committed atrocities against civilians, took trophies from his victims, attempted to cover-up his crimes.

Has been offered and has accepted a plea agreement.
MAX. SENTENCE 24 YEARS

PFC BRADLEY MANNING: horrified by atrocities,reported them up the chain of command, told to ignore them, blew the whistle.

Serving 300+ days pre-trail solitary confinement.
FACES THE DEATH PENALTY.

http://globalvoicesonline.org/wp-content/uploads/2011/03/263485599.jpg

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WGS 310 Week 14



Susan K. Langer

 During this semester my Women's and Gender Studies Class has been discussing the history and development of women and rhetoric. While taking this class, I have seen how styles and approaches to rhetoric have changed throughout history. And I have definitely seen how a women's approach to writing rhetoric has been either rejected or accepted and how if often depended upon the period of time or by the individual situation during that person's life.
I felt it would be interesting to read and write about an article written by Arabella Lyon which is titled,  Susanne K. Langer: Mother and Midwife at the Rebirth of Rhetoric.
I found the title interesting and felt it had probably been directed towards a feminist interested audience. I am sad to say that I had never heard of Susanne K. Langer before this class and after learning about her I find it even more disappointing that she has not received the sort of credit deserved for the understanding and development of rhetoric.

Just another reason to love her.

I love how strong her voice can sound when she is singing from a place deep within her soul. Over a year ago I saw a video of her singing "My Boy Builds Coffins" while sitting on a bench in a park. There is a natural and down to earth element to her performances that I admire and this video of her work environment is a wonderful example of the creative energy that is such a beautiful element to her song writing talent.

CREATIVITY FROM CHAOS on Vimeo

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Sleigh Bells - Riot Rhythm

I think this is a pretty cool video and I seriously think I know the child in it. ;)

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WGS 310 - Week 12

As she fumbled with the clock pieces, her old crooked fingers were slowly examining the choices that
were strewn across the cluttered kitchen table.
She couldn't understand why she continued to let herself worry about this silly old clock, it wasn't
worth anything, she couldn't even remember how she had acquired this old broken heap of gears,
wheels, and springs. But, somehow it was hers now and she wanted to make it work.
As she continued working on it, she couldn't quite understand what she was feeling. Was she hungry? Was she getting another one of her dreadful migraines?
She paused for a moment to let herself look at the mess around her, when her thoughts became interrupted from the soft meow of the cat which had been sitting patiently at her feet waiting for his nightly treat.
The little old lady bent down and gave the hungry kitty a little pat on the head and then got up from the table to feed him.
"Silly old cat", she said, in a quiet little whisper, "You've been in my life longer than any of those men have been...haven't you?"
Without waiting for an answer she gave her faithful companion another pat on the back while she enjoyed the feeling of his soft fur much more than the sharp cold feeling of the metal clock pieces.
As she walked towards the pantry to get herself a snack, she passed the table and saw herself in the mirror that was hanging on the wall, she had once hung it there when she had been trying to add the feeling of space and light to her tiny cramped kitchen.
When she paused to look at herself, she realized she looked tired and that she was seriously sick of trying to make sense of these broken pieces which were spread across her table.
That night when she went to bed, she promised herself that when she gets up in the morning that she is going to build herself a sundial...and while falling asleep she thought to herself,  "building a sundial will be a hell of a lot easier then trying to fix an old broken clock".

WGS Week 11 Posting - My View of the News.

During these last couple months I have been enthralled (obsessed?) with the events that have been occurring in the Middle East. While I have been watching these dramatic events unfold, I have had the chance to witness varying opinions and points-of-view while I have been using multiple sources of information, such as; Twitter, Al-Jazeera English, CNN, BBCWorld, and NPR. When it came time to read about the next “Breaking News” I would have the opportunity to explore all these sources and witness for myself the subtle and sometimes significant difference within the language and the images used when it came to reporting a story.

I will give a brief comparison of words that have stuck-out in my mind as I have been noticing these nuances within the diverse sources of media. The biggest difference I noticed is the words that were used in regards to the people during the Egyptian and Libyan “Uprising”/”Revolution” for weeks there would be stories of the “rebels”/“anarchist”/“martyrs” which were “killed”/“murdered” for “freedom” or to “overthrow the government”.

As most people know, the goal of most news sources is to be as factual as possible when it comes to reporting (really? even Fox News?) – but, there will always be discrepancies within the personal background of the reporters, the affiliation the news has with its sponsors, and the point-of-view associated with race, gender, age, etc., of all those involved with the creation and the presentation of the story.

Knowing this, I still think it is amazing how blatantly biased news sources can be when it comes to actually telling a story that should clearly be fact based and without opinion. The biggest not-so-subtle variation I saw repored took place this last week with the "abduction"or "institutionalization" of a women that was raped and was one point reported as a drunk and prostitute.

I have posted the alternative point of view story that appeared after the Eman Al-Obeidi became a global news event. If you have had a chance to see my previous blog post "The Politics of Rape" please watch this next video and you will have the chance to see how depending on where you live, can make a huge difference with how you will hear a story.

The Politics of Rape

Where is Eman al-Obeidi and why should we care?

Here is a video of a woman that has caught the attention of quite a few people. She had the strength and determination to tell her story of rape and of the torture she suffered at the hands of the Gaddafi regime. As a result of breaking the silence of rape she was taken away to a location that nobody is sure of and in the meantime, her moral character and mental health is being attacked. While Facebook,Twitter and the media continue to try to get answers, here are a few resources you can use to make sure Eman al-Obeiddi is not forgotten.

There has been an email and phone campaign against the hotel and the staff members that were involved with her abduction:
Phone number of the manager at Rios Hotel #00218914501693
email: gem@rixo.com
Or a petition that can be signed: http://www.change.org/petitions/protect-eman-al-obaidi-from-gaddafi-regime#?opt_new=t&opt_fb=t

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WGS 310 - Week 10

Before exploring courses in Women’s and Gender Studies, I used to believe issues regarding race, gender, and socio-economic status where things that would go-away if they were just ignored. Sadly, my naïve opinion was that if we don’t make an issue out of these things, they will somehow just magically disappear.


In the meantime, I am currently involved within my own personal struggle to remove myself from a particular class or social standing; which involves being a white, single mother that has been homeless and on welfare. I am very fortunate and blessed be gaining knowledge regarding these issues through a formal education and to learn about the struggles that have impacted women (and men) throughout history. I am excited that I have this opportunity to study and read the works of Sojourner Truth, Margaret Fell, and Cheryl Glenn.

There is no denying that we live in a world that involves the classification of people and by doing so; we categorize the people that are “different” than us to a lower level and build ourselves up to smarter and somehow worldlier than those that do not fit into our category.
This little dynamic has occurred and continues to occur throughout women’s studies, activism, and education. There continues to be opportunities that occur a little more easily because somebody happens to be the “right” color, social class, or gender. Of course, there have been people throughout history and those whom continue to work against this system that we have built within our world – but, those people are far and few between.
 
One detail that I would like to point-out that will demonstrate how we still live within a segregated society involves the amount of media attention that someone like Elizabeth Smart (I am sorry for what happened to her and just using her name as an example) whom was kidnapped from her home in Utah received, while at the same time,  I know there are cases of black or poor families where the child is kidnapped and hardly a mention of it occurs in the news.  Isn't a kidnapped child something we should all be concerned about no matter what race or economic background the child is from?


 
I could go on...but, I need to get to class :)

In Honor of International Women's Day!

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WGS 310 Week 8

    I think reading an excerpt this week from Mary Wollstonecraft titled "A Vindication of the Rights of Woman" has been a very interesting experience.  It is very disheartning that these concerns Wollstonecraft had in 1792 are to some degree still an issue in 2011.

    How often do we still have to worry about education for the poor or opportunities for women?  These are people whom are often facing challenges of trying to get ahead - especially for single mothers that are left trying to academically get ahead or advance within thier careers.  Occasionally, I have been told as I was either working or going to school that my children are not welcome to be with me or that I cannot miss another day because my child is sick (or if not directly told these words - I can guarentee that this attitude has been reflected upon my next performance review).

    Are there any laws that protect mothers (father/parents) who are solely responsible for thier children and trying to finish a degree or keep thier job?  Are there sufficient programs or assistance to help parents of sick children?  I personally have had the blessing of knowing people in my life that would often take care of my sick child - so I could keep my job.  Since I've moved it's not that easy - but, luckily my church provides me with an incredible support network.

   

WGS 310 - week 7 FloTV - Spine Removal

For my class I was asked to watch a Super Bowl commercial and to give my opinion on how these commercials represent women and to discuss any significance it may have to women and rhetoric. My reaction will be addressed in this open letter to the creators of this FloTV commercial.

Dear FloTV and the advertising company used to create this commercial:

Guess what!?...I don't like shopping and I'm female! I know that may be a hard pill for the people at this company to swallow - but, it's true. I really hate shopping - and I know other women that actually share these same negative feelings about malls and shopping centers as me! Therefore, my opinion is not that unique.

While creating this commercial I can imagine you were trying to appeal to football loving males since this was a commercial to be shown during the Super Bowl. But, seriously - do you need to feed these men this pathetic image of women just for the sake of selling a few more hand-held television devises?

Also, while commercials like these continue to be made - have you ever stopped to wonder how the male population likes being insulted by these "weak" attempts at humor? I seriously think that if you really put some thought into the creation of next years Super Bowl commercial that you will have the opportunity to use your money more wisely.

The quote from this commercial that makes me laugh is, "Get out of that skirt Jason"...guess what? I think men who can wear kilts actually look hot.

Thank goodness my worldview is much more developed than the creators of this commercial.

Thank you,

"God Loving Slut"

Here is a link to the commercial for those that may not have seen it:

FloTV - Spine Removal

Qaddafi the Queen - Designed by Ahmad Sabbagh, calligraphy by... on Twitpic

"Queen Elizabeth has ruled longer than I have and nothing has happened to her, no one has bothered her."
- Gaddafi

Qaddafi the Queen - Designed by Ahmad Sabbagh, calligraphy by... on Twitpic

Working Together

I offer my sincere prayers and condolences to the family and friends of loved ones who were killed during the 18 days of protest in Egypt.

May their bravery and determination never be forgotten as Egypt and her people move on towards a glorious future of freedom.

I know many people all over the world are concerned with the future of this country - but, I believe it is time to put our faith in the people to do what is right. Besides, haven't they gotten this far without our help?

I want to leave you with a couple beautiful photos I have seen come out of Egypt during these last few days. May these photographs be an inspiration to all of us and to be a reassurance of the strength and beauty we all have within us.

Thank You Egypt!

Here is a photograph taken by Nevine Zaki which has circulated through Twitter.  As posted on her yfrog page - Navine explains that this a photograph of Christians protecting Muslims during their time of prayer on a day of demonstrations.

http://yfrog.com/froggy.php?username=NevineZaki

Here is a photograph posted by @arwasm on her yfrog page.  Today in Egypt was a day of cleaning and rebuilding.

http://yfrog.com/h050vucj

Peace! 

http://yfrog.com/h4t2opj